Tragedy + Time

It's so strange how something that used to be such a priority - an all-encompassing entity, superceding most other obligations, emotions, time, and (regrettably) people - can dwindle into little more than anecdotes, punch lines, and casual banter over conversations with friends. Why does that happen?? Life is so different for me than what it used to be even two years ago. I can hardly imagine what it will be like in another two years. It really makes you take a step back and wonder (with some skepticism) how important present circumstances will be and what significance they will have in the future. We are in control of our decisions - we make them, we follow through with them. But somewhere in between, intention gets lost and the outcome is somehow foreign and at times, unwelcome - a consequence, or maybe even punishment for rash choices. And even if the past is behind us (or so we like to think), how do you successfully tuck away all the unpleasant aspects of things you'd like to forget and tote around the 'lessons learned' and 'here's what not to do' lists in an easily accessible yet emotionally controllable package? I want to drive my conscience onto I-55 and unload a bunch of cumbersome garbage in the middle of one of those cornfields with the 'SAVE PONTIAC PRISON' or 'WE VOTE McCAIN' signs, turn around and never look back. Full speed ahead.

Certain topics keep coming up again and again in conversations and in the end, I think I'm the one facilitating it (imagine that). Maybe somehow talking about these things with people - however crass or caustic I may sound at the time - is slowly helping me to dump off toxicity. Knowing that at least part of what I have to say resonates with the other person to some degree, particularly if they have a unique affiliation to my specific situation, serves (subconsciously) as an opportunity to reaffirm decisions of the past and validate present facts.
I used to think that I stood alone in the majority of my problems (if you want to call it that). That there was no possible way anyone could relate to what I was going through because they hadn't been there, they hadn't experienced it through my eyes, hadn't possessed the specificities of personality and situation that crafted an all too 'unique' dilemma. The truth is everybody feels pain ('cuz everybody hurts sometimes...thank you R.E.M.). And it sucks, no matter how its inflicted, there's no getting around it. And talking about that pain with people, instead of reeling it around in your head over and over again because you think nobody will understand, can help you realize that you are in fact not unique. You wouldn't want to be unique in this sense anyway. Misery loves company, and it's somewhat comforting to know that although it might not be out in broad daylight, everybody has a sore spot that needs a comedy routine. The decisions we make inevitably affect our lives now and later on down the road. We may not always be able to come to terms with the implications of those decisions or not immediately fully realize/appreciate the fortuitous events that result, but it's nice to know that sooner or later things will be OK. Hopefully you come out with some wisdom, and a little bit of grace. And you'll always have amusing stories in the end. Tragedy + Time = Comedy.